The past month has been a whirlwind of unexpected obstacles and unplanned surprises. It began with a work injury at the beginning of September that left me with a torn achilles tendon. We didn’t know that the tendon was severed, however, until two weeks after the initial incident despite multiple doctors visits, stitches, an x-ray, and mobility tests.
Finally, the doctor I visited to get my stitches removed had enough concern about the tendon to send me to a radiologist for an ultrasound to check for damage. The results of the ultrasound came back conclusive of a positive tear in my achilles tendon. And apologies for the graphics, but there was a three-centimeter gap between the top of my tendon and the bottom of it, and the space in between was filled with blood and fat. It was official, I needed surgery.
At my pre-op appointment with the surgeon I was referred to, I was told that he could easily work with the tendon to reattach it within four weeks of the initial incident. At the time I was sitting in the examination room it had been two and a half weeks since the incident had occurred. The clock was ticking, and there wasn’t much time left to get me in for surgery before the whole process got significantly more difficult.
Luckily, they were able to squeeze me into the surgeon’s schedule five days later. So on Wednesday, September 29th, I had surgery to mend my achilles tendon.
Since the surgery, it has been a bit rough adjusting to my new limits. I am not allowed to put any weight on my right foot, meaning I have to use either crutches or a knee scooter to get around. There are very few things that I can accomplish without help. Just getting me from the bedroom to the living room sofa takes my husband multiple trips up and down the hallway, because I cannot carry anything for myself, so he has to bring me everything I might need. Once I make it to the sofa, I’m pretty much camped out there for the day aside from my trips down the hall to the bathroom. And while it is nice to have my husband make me breakfast every morning, I wish I could help in some way. It’s hard to not feel helpless right now.
However, there have been many blessings in disguise that have shown through this trial in my life. I have already learned so much about myself, about my husband, and about God and His overwhelming love for me, as well as His desire to see me restored. I hope that through sharing my experience with this injury and the healing process I am still going through, I can help some of you to see the brighter side to the tough situations you may have going on in your lives right now. God always has a plan for us, even if we do not see it. He is working for our good, and this is how He has been working for me in my life.
My mom has also been here since the day before the surgery, helping alongside Garrett to make sure I have what I need, and I am so grateful to have her here. She sacrificed days at work and time to spend on her own schooling in order to be here for me. My mom would not have come to Spokane, and we would not have had any of the memories that I will now cherish about this time between her and I, if I hadn’t gotten injured. So many good conversations and fun nights have been spent with her since the surgery. I didn’t know it, but I really needed some time with my momma.
On the topic of being house-bound, to say that I am tired of sitting would be an understatement. I love to be active. I was a competitive swimmer for fourteen years, and my favorite pastimes included walking, hiking, and just being outside. Not being able to move has put quite a damper on that. And on top of that, we live on the fourth floor of an apartment complex, so going outside isn’t really an option. I may just go stir-crazy up here.
I’m not a patient person by any means, and this whole journey has definitely made that obvious. Having to rely on others for mostly everything has made it very apparent that I like doing things for myself, my own way, and it has been hard to let that go. And while being a newlywed was already teaching me the lesson of letting go of control, this situation with my injury only amplifies that by ten. My complete reliance on my husband in even minor functions for the time being is challenging me to accept his help, whether I want it or not, and to see it as a gesture of love, rather than pity. This circumstance has made me realize that it’s alright to ask for help, even though our culture of hyper-individualism may try to convince us otherwise.
I know that I am guilty of buying into that lie. I believed that I was supposed to be able to figure this all out on my own, and I felt like a failure when I found out I couldn’t. But let me tell you, letting go of that mentality, even though difficult, has strengthened my marriage. Allowing Garrett to care for me, to love me and support me, is what he is meant to do and what he has been called to do as my husband. God didn’t intend for me to do everything on my own. And it may have taken a serious injury to get me there, but I finally understand that.
Within this time of healing, God has also called me to rest. Not only do I need it to heal my physical body from the trauma that it has endured, but God knows that I need it to heal my soul as well. I have been so worried about achieving and creating success for myself and my little family, that I have lost sight of the importance of slowing down and just being in the presence of the Father. The anxiety of making ends meet, maintaining a new marriage, and now making sure to take care of myself after an injury has taken its toll on me. And as a result, I have not focused on my relationship with God in the way that I should. Yes, I read my Bible, and yes, I do a devotional every day. But I have been doing it out of duty, not necessity.
It took being forced to stay still to get me back to the love I had at first. Since my accident, I have genuinely woken up with a hunger and a want to spend time with God. And not just for ten minutes a day. I seek Him all day long. I fill my time with scripture, devotionals, prayer, and worship, and it is so refreshing. And before my surgery, when I was still going to work on light duty, I began to pray constantly over my situation and for God to guide me through it as well as give me the courage and the peace to withstand the difficulties and hardships that were coming my way.
In this time of rest, I have gained new skills, as well as regained old ones, that have brought joy into my daily routine. I learned how to cross-stitch sew, thanks to my mother’s patience and teaching abilities. I am continually learning new design tricks through tutorials, and have been creating drawings on my iPad like crazy since the surgery. And I picked up an old childhood hobby of latch hook yarn art, and I am now creating a lighthouse to hang in our home.
I have been reading a lot as well, mostly re-reading old favorites with some new ones thrown in. Admittedly, I watch an arguably unhealthy amount of Netflix and Disney Plus too, but I don’t regret it for a second. And all of these things have made me feel overwhelmingly creative in the best of ways. I am intentionally filling this time of immobility with creation and appreciation for the arts, something I have not had the time to truly pursue in a while.
Overall, I think that this incident was a huge blessing in disguise, one that helped me reorient my mindset and my heart to be seeking out the positive joys among the dark circumstances. There were many opportunities and memories that would not have been possible without this seemingly awful incident taking place. I am just so thankful to have a God that knows me and has a plan for me and my family. And as Psalm 23 says, “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, He is with me.”
(On a side note) We also got a kitten! Her name is Roo, and she is a little ball of energy and snuggles. I’m sure that she will make many more appearances on this blog, but I wanted to give her a proper introduction!
Until next time, stay golden!
Hannah