Have you ever walked into a church sanctuary and felt like you didn’t belong? I know I have, when I was “church-hopping” in college. You get this weird feeling that everyone already has established groups of friends, and finding your way into them is difficult and a bit awkward.
I want you to know that this feeling is normal. Until you find the right church for you, the right faith-filled community, it might be a bit awkward. Once you find it though, the work to establish yourself into a community group or life group is well worth it for both your spiritual growth, and your social health. And while I am not a health professional of any kind, I can speak from my own experiences and how my faith community has helped me tremendously in growing my faith as well as helping me to feel heard and supported through anything that life may throw at me.
Let me start by telling you the story of how my husband and I became connected with our life group. It’s pretty funny, actually. We had been attending our church, North Church Spokane, for about two years, off and on, while going to school in the area at Whitworth, and had recently made it our permanent church home after getting married and moving officially to Spokane. About a month after moving back to Spokane, we decided to take up the offer to find a life group (now called community groups) that they were always advertising as being wonderful for connection and spiritual growth with fellow christians.
After a Sunday church service one week, we talked with one of the associate pastors at the time, now the head pastor, and he told us of a newly married/young married life group that he and his wife led. He told us about their next meeting time, and the address to go to (which was his home) if we wanted to drop by and see what it was all about. We said we would be there, and then went home to enjoy the rest of our Sunday afternoon.
Fast forward to the day of the life group meeting. I was anxious for the evening to come, meeting and connecting with new people, so naturally, I made us leave way earlier than we needed to. We got to the pastor’s house about 15 minutes early, but saw no other cars parked outside. Assuming we were just way too early, we sat in our car, outside of their house, for another ten minutes or so.
When it got to five minutes before the time we were told the group would start, and still no other cars had arrived, I decided to go up to the door and ring the bell. A little boy answered the door, the pastor’s son, and he looked confused to see us there. I asked if his parents were home, and if I could talk with his dad, and the boy disappeared back into the house.
A couple of minutes later, his dad came to the door, limping a little, and had an apologetic look on his face. He explained to us that the meeting had been moved to a different house, one of another couple in the group, and he had texted the wrong “new” couple to let them know. He had just had a surgery of some kind, hence the relocation of the group.
The pastor gave us the address of the new house to go to, apologized again, and closed the door. We looked up the address for the new meeting place, and it was going to take us 20 minutes to get there. At that point, we would be thirty minutes late. We debated going at all, but the pastor had already texted the other couple to say that we were on our way, so we finally decided to just go and see how everything would turn out.
Once we got there, we all laughed about the mishap. Apparently there was another woman named Hannah that had been interested in joining the group with her husband, and that was the person the pastor had texted to let know of the relocation. The group was extremely welcoming, and we just played ice breaker games to get to know one another. It was fun, and I could tell that it was the beginning of a potentially long-term community group relationship.
And it was. To this day, nearly two years later, we are still a part of that community group. And in that time, it has changed leadership, grown, and welcomed new couples. We are now more in the middle of the “new couples” rather than the newest. We’ve formed friendships that will last a lifetime, and through this I also found someone I consider to be one of my best friends. I know that I can rely on anyone in our life group to be there for us in a pinch, and we will be there for them too.
But our life group is not just a social club. It is a group of Christ-loving, faith-filled people that want to know more about Jesus and strengthen our relationships with him, together. We read books to help us focus on our faith, we follow Bible devotionals together, and we have countless discussions about the way our culture is going, and what that means for us as followers of Jesus. As it says in Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
We keep each other accountable, we support each other, and we challenge each other to step outside of our comfort zones and seek deeper relationships with each other and those around us. We encourage each other to live in a way that shines the light of God in everything that we do, and we graciously call each other out when we fall short of that expectation.
Our community group has been a breath of fresh air for me. Having a job where I can’t openly talk about my faith, where I am very obviously the minority in my beliefs, having an evening each week where I get to go and meet with like-minded and equally faith-driven individuals is so refreshing. It is freeing to me to be able to openly talk about my faith struggles along with the triumphs, knowing that no matter what I say, I won’t be judged. But rather, I am accepted as a flawed person desperately seeking to understand the love of God, and how I can share that with others.
Every time I walk away from our community group meeting, I feel more alive and pumped up. I feel validated, and I feel heard. I walk away each week knowing that I am not alone. I have found a group of people I trust to help me through this life, in the high points as well as the low ones, constantly turning me back to the feet of Jesus. Every week I am reminded of God’s grace, and I am humbled by the stories of the other adults in the group, hearing how God is working in their lives, and it gives me hope. Even when my faith feels stagnant, I know that God is still working based on what I hear from the others in our community group.
And if you need any more convincing that community groups are great for spiritual growth, Hebrews 10:24-25 says it best, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Or, in Galatians 6:2, it says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
As a community group, we laugh together, we cry together, we ask questions, we tell stories. We serve together, we pray together, and we praise God together. This group of people make life more enjoyable, more bearable. And my hope is that each and every one of you can find a group as great as ours. The right group of people really do make all the difference when it comes to growing in your faith. You need accountability, you need support, and you need people that will challenge you, not just keep you where you’re at.
So reach out to your church. Most churches have a connections pastor, or a greeting team right as you walk in the door. Start with getting to know these people, and then ask about how to get further connected into a community/life group. Try out a couple if you have to, until you find the right fit for what you are looking for.
You don’t need to settle on the first life group you try. It boils down to the fact that you want to be in a group that you like what they are talking about and learning about, but also who they are striving to become as followers of Christ. If the direction that the group is going in excites you, and you want to be like that too, you’ve found your people.
And there’s no need to feel anxious about being the “new kid” in the group. Community groups are designed to evolve, to change with seasons of life. We have had many couples leave the group, and many others join in their absence. That’s the beauty of it – the community group grows and changes as you do.
All in all, community groups or life groups, whatever you call them, are in my opinion, non-negotiable for growing your faith. I didn’t know what I was missing before I joined a community group, but now I can’t imagine my life without it. I promise you that your life will change, your outlook on your faith will be forever altered, if you would just let others in and connect with a group of strong, driven, and loving people.
You become like who you spend your time with, and what area is more important than our faith to cultivate and curate who we let influence it? When you pour into your community, your own cup will overflow. The wisdom and knowledge of others will only ever serve to help you discern the right path to take.
