Nine. That’s how many friends I have that have either had a baby, or are expecting a baby, in the last year or upcoming year. It seems like every other week there is a new joy-filled announcement of a little one being invited into the world, and it has made me question my own choices in the timing of starting a family.

I have friends that are buying houses, moving across the country, or to other countries, to pursue their dreams and career goals.

I know people that are pursuing Master’s Degrees, traveling, scratching bucket list items off right and left.

It’s hard to not feel buried by all the good news of others and what’s happening in the lives around you. I know I have found myself drowning in it more than once. That feeling that you are not where you should be, not good enough, and yet not qualified to get where you want to go. 

Well, I am here to tell you that there is hope. You do not need to compare yourself, in fact you shouldn’t compare yourself, to others simply because they are in a different place than you in their lives. Just because you see one thing, does not mean that what you perceive is the truth. Everyone is dealing with something, and their life is not perfect. 

Below I have listed some all-too-important reminders, encouragements, and action steps for anyone that is struggling with the feeling of needing to “Keep up with the Joneses’”.

  1. God has you right where He wants you.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘a plan to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV) 

Now I know that this verse has been used countless times to make this point of contentment in our current circumstances, but I truly believe it is one of, if not the, best resource of encouragement and hope that we can turn to in times when we feel like we are not enough. Each step we take is orchestrated by the One who calls us Beloved and who died for our sins. Do not take this lightly. The one that laid down his life to save ours has seen where you came from, where you are, and where you will go, and he has determined that it is GOOD.

  1. Don’t read too much into outward appearances.

Everything may look perfect on the outside, but trust me when I say you do not know what may be happening behind closed doors, within families or marriages. Do not compare yourself to someone else and the way that they chose to live their life, as it is not your life. They are not you. You are an individual for a reason, you are not meant to be a copy. So the next time you hear that a friend, family member, or acquaintance is pursuing or achieving something that you believe you can only dream of, take a step back and remind yourself that not all is as it seems, and that accomplishment did not come for them easily. Everyone has a story of how they got where they are, focus on yours.

  1. Get off of social media.

I cannot say this enough. Take regular breaks from social media, or better yet, remove it altogether. Social media is good in some ways, such as connection with those you do not see regularly, business growth, and news (sometimes), but it can also become an addiction. It is not good when you find yourself stuck in a comparison game with those around you. It will suffocate you with carefully curated photos of everyone’s ideal life, and only what they chose and deemed “shareable.” You will not see any of the “real life” moments on your screen. You will not see the nitty gritty hard work that went into getting where they are now. When all you see is perfection, that is what you convince yourself you must strive for. And when you cannot achieve it, as no human being on this side of heaven can, you will fall deeper and deeper into discontentment and that is beyond dangerous. When you begin to lose sight of what is true, and instead start believing the fabricated lie that is being told on social media platforms by those who are arguably playing the same “catch-up” and “prove myself” games that you are, you will start to forget who you are, and instead fashion yourself into someone you were never meant to be simply to say you fit in with everyone else. Here’s the secret: we all feel like we don’t belong, we’re just all pretending that we know what we’re doing, where we’re going, and the best way to get there and be that person. It’s. All. A. Lie. 

One fantastic book on the dangers of social media and excessive screen exposure that I have found helpful as I try to pull back from social media platforms and limit my access to them is The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. I highly recommend you read it if you are also struggling with removing or limiting your social media usage. I personally stopped using Instagram and severely limited my access to Facebook, Pinterest, and YouTube, at the beginning of June, and the longer that I am away from these platforms, the less desire I have to be on them. It’s amazing how distance from something can clear your mind and allow you to truly decide for yourself what you want your life to look like.

  1. When you feel the creep of comparison, turn to prayer.

Pray. Reach out to God for help and guidance, for peace and providence. Our society today, even within Christian and faith-based communities, do not turn to prayer nearly enough. If it is not a daily habit of yours, try implementing it as one. I personally keep a prayer journal. I find that writing down my prayers, dating them, and having the ability to look back on them after a certain amount of time to see the growth that God has brought me, and the answered prayers He has blessed me with, to be very helpful for me in gaining perspective. This practice usually calms me and re-centers me. Prayer reminds me that I am a child of God, and that my life is His. I cannot control what happens, but I can surrender in prayer willingly to the Father that knows what goes before me, because He has already walked it Himself. No matter what you think is best for your life, His plans are so much greater. Lean into Him in prayer, and begin to feel your heart lighten as he lifts the burden of comparison and discontentment from you and instead bestows on you the glory of His kingdom promise.

  1. Try consuming less.

In today’s society, overconsumption is at an all-time high. We buy things on impulse that we don’t need with money we oftentimes don’t have, to match those that are around us and to impress people that aren’t even paying attention. Again, back to the comparison game. Marketing companies are geniuses in how to convince you that you need something, regardless of what it is. Marketing is a multi-billion-dollar company for a reason, because it works in trapping us into purchases that promise us contentment. Have you ever watched or seen a “Day In My Life”, “Amazon Haul”, “What I Eat In a Day”, or “Must-Haves for __” video or post? They are everywhere on the internet and all over social media sites. People, influencers, trying to convince you that what they are showing you could change your life in an instant, for the low price of (fill in the blank). Regardless of how convincing these sales pitches are, that’s exactly what they are, sales pitches, given by people that benefit from your consumption and money spent. 

Hear me when I say this: you do not need any of it. Stop, think about it, do your own research before clicking the “buy now” button. And even better, set a timeframe in place for yourself as to how long you have to wait before making a purchase. Whether it be a week, two weeks, a month, etc. Do not immediately add something to an online cart and check out without taking some time to step away and evaluate three important questions:

  • Do I really need this right now? Can I get by without it?
  • What are three different scenarios where this/these item(s) will benefit my life?
  • What is the cost, financial, relational, and time needed, in order to procure this item and maintain it?

If you can honestly answer all of these questions, and feel good about the answers, then go ahead and purchase the item. But if you cannot answer these questions, and instead more questions or doubts start to pop into your head about the purchase, that is your sign to step away and to say no.

Personally, I am placing the following guidelines on myself for the foreseeable future:

  • No online shopping, unless it is a Kindle purchase that I have waited and thought about before purchasing for my designated amount of time.
  • No new clothing unless I remove something else from my closet first.
  • I must wait a minimum of one week (preferably longer) before making a purchase. If I want to save something to return to later, I can place it on my “wishlist,” NOT in my cart.
  • No purchases from Instagram or other social media links or ads.
  • When possible, pay cash.
  • Try and thrift it first.
  • I must talk, out loud, with someone else about the purchase, and discuss the benefits and drawbacks of purchasing the item before doing so.
  • “Shop” my own closet, book case, and craft supplies, before seeking out more.

6. Celebrate others’ successes.

It’s possible to celebrate other people’s successes without diminishing your own, or trying to surpass them. When you hear of good news involving a friend, family member, anyone really, celebrate with them. You have permission to be happy for them. Just because someone else has achieved something, does not mean that what you are working towards is any less important. However, do not take this as an invitation to enter into a game of who can do more. You do not need to prove yourself to others at the expense of someone else. You don’t have to prove yourself to others, period. Do not take away from others’ joy in the hope of making yourself feel better about what you have and what you’ve done. Don’t turn yourself into a public spectacle, but rather live humbly and with love and consideration for those around you. Let’s lift each other up, rather than tear each other down or force comparison on someone that only wanted a congratulations. 

7. Look around you.

And lastly, look around you. Notice what you already have in your life that you are thankful for. Call it out, name it, bring attention to the things and people in your life that make you happy, bless you, and help you grow. Write a letter of gratitude to a friend. Volunteer at a local organization or church to become more involved in your community. Help those in need. Have a dinner party, a picnic, or a lunch date with your friends. Play with your pets and/or your children. Put your phone down when eating a meal. Talk with those around you, ask questions and get to know them better. Be present. 

When you start to look up at what is right in front of you, you begin to realize that the what-ifs and the could-have-beens that are driven by the anxiety of an overly digital world are not as scary as they seem. 

Stand firm in where you are, who you are, and what you are becoming. You are exactly where you need to be at this moment, and you are enough.